Movie title: Woodstock

woodstock

 

 

Looks like the plot sounds too mainstream.

Resolution for the scandalous, chest-haired king

If these polygamists paired up, that would be a perfect choice. (right side: Aceng Fikri, the deposed regent of Garut Regency, West Java, who flared up widespread controversy after marrying an under-aged girl and divorced her in 4 days, by SMS).

 

“I’m apprehensive of the fact that there are certain minority groups which are agitating us, Muslim comrades.”

“These minority groups…they domineer not only in economy, but also in politics. See how they’re preparing themselves for the arena.”

“I feel that I’m incapable of answering your questions.”

“Mick Jagger may be proud that he has fans. But I have followers.”

“I’m gonna brush up on the government’s statistics shortly before the election.”

“It’s not me who wants to nominate myself for President. It’s a holy task, by the good will of Allah, that calls me to do so.”

“I feel it’s kafir that Muslims elect non-Muslims to lead and serve them.”

Having the panoply of faith-blinded myrmidons, the ‘herd’ of help-mates, the comrade of dangdutcavalry, and, what’s more inextricably tied to the megalomaniacal Rhoma Irama than all the gains above he had had through all his soap-opera-like pilgrimage of life?

 

“I’ll promise you I’ll research more on fuel price hike policies, only if you elect me.”

 

An interview in Metro TV, perhaps, had reduced his likelihood of a presidency he was so inclined that he claimed ‘a banzer of my faithful disciples could help me win the 2014 election’.

Surveys, in fact, have previously recommended politicians, military generals, and/or businesspeople for this paramount seat. Names like Prabowo Subianto, Aburizal Bakrie, Jusuf Kalla, Dahlan Iskan (we won’t wish a president who may act like a clown in tollroads and wears sports shoes in formal ceremonies), Mahfud MD, Sri Mulyani, or Gita Wirjawan were among the top 10 potential nominees. But this pudgy old man all of a sudden? The response bears verisimilitude to that of Balram Halwai in The White Tiger: what a fucking joke! Even it is a plethora of times better to have them, despite their disputation over certain cases, seated in the 5-year post than this megalomaniacal, self-claiming firebrand cleric who thought having led an ‘Islamic solidarity movement’ has been more-than-okay preparation for such sacrosanct position.

Okay, perhaps these public figures’ wrongdoings, except for those of Mahfud MD which are probably either nonexistent or closely concealed, are enormous. Prabowo was indicted in severe human rights abuses in 1990s. Bakrie was found out having conspired with Gayus to conceal his taxes, then denied his responsibility for Lapindo maelstrom and the BakrieLife scandal. Jusuf Kalla is, according to  @TrioMacan2000, a Wikileaks-like anonymous account, brilliant and quick-witted, but his despotic, parochial attitude is just ‘too unbearable’. Dahlan Iskan never ceases from making headlines every time, as though he reeked of his face being posted over the front pages every day. Sri Mulyani finds herself more comfortably working in Washington, D.C. and managing global economic affairs, than catches up herself being protested nearly quotidian in Jakarta (and nationwide) for Bank Century scandal. Gita Wirjawan, a Harvard-educated, Western-minded graduate with TOEFL scores worth 650, is primarily targeted by mass media when his business empire, Ancora Group, was rumored to be ‘a safe haven’ for the assets bailed out from Bank Century. Now this dangdut king, with an iota and even no expertise in playing dirty, wants to pull the gauntlet? Does he have, just like cats do, a dozen of back-up lives in his body? He’s doing another stand-up, I suppose. Or maybe not. He claims Islamist parties are ready to back him up, when Muhammadiyah and Nahdlatul Ulama, Indonesia’s two largest Muslim organizations, strictly recommend their 80-million-strong members not to ever ‘nominate’ this guy as a candidate.

 

“Mr.Rhoma, let me test you regarding the knowledge you need suppose you were the president. Do you know who Xi Jinping is?”

“Oh, I see. He must be a business partner of Ahok, isn’t he? He’s a danger to our country then!”

*Najwa face-palms.

 

Well, we know for cock-sure, simon-pure that his chances are slim, but what if, in the funniest-case (rather than worst-case) scenarios, he won it out? What is he gonna do with a nation of 250 million, already perplexed by problems seemingly aeons-old and labyrinthine, given that his finesse is restricted to singing and performing oratory, fiery speeches? Here are a few, among too many, things that he ought to note down: (only if he happens, by accident and by probability of 1 in 1 million, to click my blog after Googling his name)

1. Put up with, or split it up.

Rhoma had no guilt, albeit his reputation was stained (actually it’s been long dirtied) by his racist remarks in a talk he gave in a Jakarta mosque – he said, “It’s malignant to have a Christian lead you!”, obviously referring to Basuki Tjahaja Purnama, or in short, Ahok. If he were, and only if God Himself were so ‘benevolent’ to grant him the golden opportunity, and if he failed to pay respect to other religions and/or any other minorities else, expect yourself to see an independent Papua, Bali, Maluku, and a pantheon of ‘mini-states’, emerging in this country. Up to day, the question remains ‘what if’.

2. You can’t end the dominance of the ‘slant-eyeds’ simply by expelling them.

As in the verbatim above, it can be inferred that he disrelishes the Christians, and regards the ethnic Chinese in disesteem. “These groups….domineering not only in economics,”, and this catchphrase is clearly referred to ‘us’! You must have remembered, only if you watched, when Najwa Shihab enquired him whether he’s actually mentioning Ahok for this disadage and he replied with a big ‘yes’. Matter-of-factly speaking, as much as two-thirds of our economy remains under the control of the politely so-called ‘Tionghoa’, whose existence represents no more than 5% of Indonesia’s population, and whose dominance largely affects Indonesia’s long-term economic development. So, if you would like to implement ‘active and drastic measures’, you might be no different from 20th-century dictators. Why not just persuade them to be entrepreneurs?

3. You say you let the Cabinet do all the jobs, and…

You go on with your Soneta business? Do a sing-a-long at Presidential Palace with your personnel, entertain 250 million people, and ensure ‘everything is solvable with music’? And that means while you’re at the helmet to do Koontz and o’Donnell stuff, that you plan, organize, direct, and supervise your staff, and because you have no expertise in handling national and international issues, you just let them do what they are supposed to do, like as you told Najwa? Even a vision-impaired Gus Dur knows more about the world than you do. For such possible occurring, there is nothing more I can recommend but to……

4. Return to your old dormitory.

You told Najwa you dropped out of university, but which one? Which academic year? You also highlighted your experience as a parliament member in 1990s, but what’s your contribution? More complicitly, other than singing and showing off that chest in your hair? Meanwhile, regarding your once ‘being in the institution’, I pull out 2 conclusions: you either got admitted to that ‘university’, in your subconscious mind, or you really got ‘admitted’ to that ‘university’, but only as a visitor. I strongly recommend that this guy had better enroll in admission exams next year, and see how far his ‘expertise’ could go on.

5. Beware of ‘America’.

Your vision, and all the subliminal messages you transmit to your disciples, do echo like those of a pan-Islamist. America, on the other hand, to ensure ‘world peace’ and to make sure ‘American interests’ are not in harbinger, have always had many of its CIA agents stationed up from North to the South Pole. Did you remind yourself to consider how many megalomaniacs like you have been deposed by the so-called ‘Western-bribed’ mercenaries? Or are you oblivious, or even negligent, on the fact that people could be anytime angered by your leadership, and Uncle Sam would have possibly made use of that chance to brainwash them to revolt against you? Ah, forget that. I only realize that ‘your singing’ can bring a predicament to the masses, like an ointment.

6. Memorize the list of member states in United Nations.

As a leader, you should learn to identify which countries have tremendous mutual benefits for Indonesia, and which ones would bring more maladies. Don’t make us dumbfounded that you announce ‘arms-dealing treaty’ with the al-Shabaab gendarmerie, or ratify ‘nuclear research treaty’ with Kim Jong-un, or offer ‘scholarship programs’ in Chad, or even ask Julia Gillard for a proposal. I’m afraid your first priority in foreign-policy objectives is to ‘arm every viable Palestinian to turn Israel into an ocean of fire’. Or you maybe think that Park Jae-sang is UN Secretary General, and Ban Ki-moon popularizes Gangnam-style hysteria.

7. Eliminate ‘family planning’?

So, basically, only because Koran permits every man to engage with, in maximum, 4 women, and you would exert authority on the Parliament to pass legislation to persuade every Indonesian man to unite 4 women in the holy wedlock at the same time? It might only be a stone’s throw away from seeing Indonesian population eclipse that of China within 4 decades.

8. Now it’s your job to fill the rest.

Well, it’s only 3 days left before 2013 commences. Given that all of us had survived the procrastinated-to-time-immemorial apocalypse, fortunately I had this splendid chance to utter such meaningful words to you. Read it or not, I even bet you won’t understand half the context of the words I’ve been writing below.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MORON!

 

Don’t be afraid of the masses

 

Recently, within two weeks, and on the same Friday afternoon, two massive demonstrations had been eructating in front of a 4-star hotel named Emerald Garden. More than one hundred civilians, all of whom are members of hard-line Islamic groups, protested what they alleged of the hotel’s management having toppled down a mosque. I did not check out further whether the hotel had really compensated it with building other ones or not (some remarked that the management had done so, and I hope so), but the main thing that I detested from these protests were of the racist remarks they put on certain ethnicity, particularly those of Chinese descendants. Personally, I myself felt uncomfortable with their words.

One of my friends changed her display picture in Blackberry Messenger with the one showing how the protestors carried out anti-Chinese posters, menacing that ‘one more mosque down, a thousand Chinese homes singed’. Another poster impended the Chinese, what majority of the hard-line Muslims here acknowledge as neo-liberal capitalists, to get out of this country. She told me that she stayed home all the afternoon, while anticipating any unfortunate spate that might any time happen. Meanwhile, another one of my friends, who is used to having English tuition in a house belonging to a Korean-American woman in close proximity to the hotel, was told by the woman not to come across the location.

To admit it honestly, no matter how unnice it is that everytime we hear any racist epithets pronounced by many of the denizens, there seems to be no other way but to accept them, no matter how these words might hurt, assume you were the one who’s in the minority. I myself personally confess that in general the ethnic Chinese are capitalists, but we must realize that it has been long taught in all the economic textbooks, that not all economic systems are entirely of evil concepts, and neither of them is considerable as being ‘the ultimate, the most sacrosanct’ ones. Every economic system, even capitalism itself, does contain itself its own advantages and disadvantages. In addition, I can’t comprehend what on earth is actually underlying their subconscious minds; they have ultimate belief that all Chinese people are demons. I certainly give a credence that all religions or forms of faith in this planet, including Islam, never teaches anyone to put excessive hatred in someone only because of their racial backgrounds, or only because they are not Muslims. They never promulgate messages of waging wars against those they consider opposed to what they take into their heads in, but it is usually the men themselves who have misused all the essential values of their religions to merely garner benefits for their own sake. And that’s what I always have been convinced with.

 

 

Here is my main concern: will this spark another worse-than-1998 riot? The improbability itself is neither too low nor too high, but that does not indicate it is entirely impossible at all. Even after the tumultuous period in 1998 had slipped by more than a decade, relationship between the bulk of ethnic Chinese with so-called pribumi, or indigenous Indonesians, remains largely brittle. Social gap remains indisputably large, though not as high as that triggered during Soeharto’s rule. Even if it is cognizant that approximately 100 million Indonesians have themselves elevated into the middle-class status, it hasn’t exhibited a considerable improvement of inter-ethnic relationship in Indonesia. But the probability itself is majoringly diminished by the en masse democracy majority of us relish. Besides, unlike in the past, when most of the time people were not granted rights to monitor their own surroundings, now they grab the bigger chances to observe the societies, largely thanks to the fluorishing appearance of mass media industry, enabling more people to speak out and assess the current events taking place in societies, even though oftentimes, what they speak out is not necessarily linked to the topic discussed. Lastly, the economic situation in 1998, compared to that in 2012, is a matter of 180-degree reverse. 1998 was a catchphrase for economic malaise most of the Asian countries, when tens of millions of people were out of job, but on the contrary, 2012 refers to the momentum for Asian emerging markets. In general, most of the emerging markets do face the similar situation: unconducive environment as a consequence of high insecurity and uneasy legal protection. But, the miraculous axiom is their over-the-acme economic revival.  Leastwise, the good news is that majority of Muslim Indonesians, after further survey conducted by multitudinous television stations and social institutes, oppose the existence of such hard-line organizations, albeit not all of them do have positive attitude towards ethnic Chinese.

It never takes a day to heal all the wounds imprinted for many decades. At times, the conjunction between the two communities are often at unease. I myself realize that such stigma would prevail for a long time, and flipping over it is like building a castle in the air. The hard-liners are planning to turn back, preparing what they claim ‘a larger demonstration than ever’. What will happen after, I ain’t a prophet at all.

But I know they may (probably) have to think twice, in minimum, before they really wish to scorch all the thousand Chinese houses. I envisage the ones who will fight back would be the servants and the drivers.