It’s A Funny, Funny English After All

Whoever strangers you meet elsewhere on the planet, no matter who they are, most of us, if not everybody else, would communicate in English, doesn’t it? That matters, except if you know their mother tongue as well. This is a strong proof of how powerful this language has been, even we might use it to communicate with people who share similarity with our own race. Especially in countries previously colonized by Great Britain, or United States, either. But, as time passes by, English language got assimilated with local culture, local people, and of course, as a result of centuries-old intermingling ‘marriage’ between English itself and local languages, there comes various dialects and accents in English language. Here are some facts about how variously English can be.

Philippine English:

1. A political party is spelt ‘aggrupation’, originally derived from Spanish word ‘agrupacion’.

2. Normally, bold means ‘thick’. In Philippine, beware, bold means ‘nudity’. Don’t afford to watch ‘bold movie’, because that is synonymous to ‘blue movie’.

3. Locals hardly understand when you spell ‘toothpaste’. But they find it easily understandable when you mention ‘Colgate’. The same rule also comes to ‘photocopier’; they would rather call it ‘Xerox’.

4. Instead of using ‘an English-speaking person’, Filipinos would like to use ‘Dollar-speaking person’.

5. They do not call it ‘blue’ to describe something nude: they would rather call it ‘green’. E.g.: ‘green joke’, which means dirty, or sexual-related jokes.

6. They have an adjective form for ‘kidnap’. It is spelt ‘kidnapable’. They also have their own adjective forms for ‘president’ and ‘senator’: they are spelt ‘presidentiable’, not ‘presidential’, and ‘senatoriable’, not ‘senatorial’.

Singapore English:

1. There is one Melayu word used in English. It is ‘kena’. Hokkien word, ‘tio’, is also replaceable.
E.g.: He kena beaten by his mother.
He tio punished by the headmaster.

2. There is another word for ‘son’. It is ‘boy-boy’.
E.g.: My boy-boy is very cutie ah.

3. A male gangster is usually nicknamed ‘Ah Beng’. While the female one is nicknamed ‘Ah Lian’.

4. O$P$ = Owe Money Pay Money. A common ‘proverb’ used in terms of loan shark.

5. A prostitution is usually nicknamed ‘Chicken business’.

6. Be more sensitive in ‘marketing’ word. Singaporeans refer it to ‘going to market and buy something’.
e.g.: A: Eh, I go to marketing first ya.
B: Si lo. You dressed in this steady clothes, but wanna go marketing ah?
A: I mean I want to go study marketing a!
B: How come you wear Armani’s suits at the same time you wanna go buy things in market ah?

7. Another common misunderstanding: My England not powderful a! Some might get confused with this
statement, and think, “What the hell this person talkin’ about? Is there any powder labelled ‘My England’?” No, that’s wrong. This expression means, “My English is not good.”

Indian English:

1. ‘I was fired by him’, in India, does not mean that the man had just been fired. It means that the boss had just yelled at him, but his job remains safe.

2. Rather than using ‘Where do you live?’, Indians would ask someone in this expression: ‘Where are you put up?’

3. In India, ‘hotel’ means ‘restaurant’.

4. A not-too-dark-skinned woman is usually called as ‘wheatish complexion’. A too scientific term, yeah?

South African English:

1. ‘Cafe’ refers to a convenience store, not a cafe as usual.

2. Standardically, we give slang to our friends, or our relatives, with ‘bro’ or ‘brother’. They instead use ‘bru’.

3. Sunshower means rain which takes place at the same time the sun is still shining, unhindered by any clouds. In South Africa, sunshower is commonly spelt as ‘monkey’s wedding’, due to their belief that monkeys get married during this period.

4. ‘Just now’ is replaced here with ‘now now’.
E.g.: I took bath now now, bru.

Malaysian English:

1. In terms to nickname loan sharks, you might call them ‘Ah Long’.

2. A derogatory slang for ‘transsexuals’, or so-called ‘waria’ in our language, they would use ‘Ah Kua’.

3. Locals prefer ordering ‘Milo’ to ‘hot chocolate’. Next time, go into local kopitiam, and tell the waiter, ‘Gimme Milo one lah!’

4. In Malaysia, ‘eraser’ is informally synonymous with ‘rubber’. Don’t get confused when someone asks, “May I borrow your rubber?”

5. There is a more ‘formal’, ‘scientific’ way in saying ‘defecate’ (we would call ‘pang sai’ in Hokkien): pass motion.

However, there are also languages in which English language is ‘unified’ with local language, which then generates a new hybrid, on which English words are spelt on the manner they speak their mother tongue. Scientifically, this term is called ‘code-switching’, or ‘portmanteau’. There are several examples:

Konglish (Korean English):

1. Game: ge-im
2. Shopping: syo-ping
3. Air conditioner: e-eo-keon (air-con)
4. Chocolate: cho-kol-lit
5. Supermarket: syu-peo-ma-ket

Runglish (Russian English):

1. Appointments: Appointmyenti
2. Hamburgers: Hyam-boorgoors
3. Business man: Bisness Mien
4. Potatoes: Potyaytoaz
5. Turkey (food): Tyurki

Source: The New York Times

Chinglish (Chinese English):

1. Tomorrow I will look a movie (proper: Tomorrow I will watch a movie). Remember, see, look,
watch, and read are spelt ‘kan’ in Chinese language. Another example is ‘I am watching a book.’

2. ‘Huan yin’ is instead translated as ‘welcome you’.

Other examples include:
1. Be Cautious To Slip (it actually means ‘beware the slippery road)
2. F*** the Certain Price of Goods (actually it is ‘Dry Goods Pricing Department’. How come
they could translate like this in supermarkets?)

For more information, click here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dialects_of_the_English_language

Attention Please, Do Not Pee At The Same Time Squatting Over The Closet!

Previously posted on June 17, 2010. Click it here.

Wrong spellings, rambunctious vocabulary, massive mistakes in grammar, weird announcements, don’t-know-what-it-means instructions, and here are funny signs and pictures across the planet you’ll laugh it out.

This one is based in China.

Anybody likes to pee there?

What? How can afford to eat McDys when a Chernobyl-scale nuclear meltdown really, really melts your body?

Oh, oh, you had better not pee there. They must be hunting ‘yours’. Hahaha.

This one is worse, but he just maintains calm. It’s just a poster, anyway.

What do you mean anyway, the birds or our birds?

Attention please, do not pee at the same time squatting over the closet!

To Be Continued…

Heal The………… (I’m gonna make crazy of it)

Note: I wrote two notes in the first day I began my debut. Click it here.

If this is sung by an investor whose money has just ‘evaporated’ away from stock exchange, let us imagine how higgledy-piggledy this song is gonna be:

Heal Wall Street:

There’s A Place In
New York
And I Know It Is Wall Street
And This Place Could
Be Much
Worse Than Yesterday
If The Stock Prices Are Rising
I Will Laugh Entire Day
But They’re Down
I’m Crying The Entire Day

There Are Investors Crying
If You Care Enough
For Investors
Save All of Us
Not The Giant Banks

Heal Wall Street
Please Mr.Geithner (the current United States Secretary of Treasury)
For You And For Me
And The Entire Investors
There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For Their Lives
Save The Investors
For Them and For Me

If You Want To Know Why
NYSE’s Falling Down
I Don’t Lie
The Loss is Strong
For The Investors
Please Help Us
Mr.Geithner
See How We’re All Suffering
In This Hell
We Can’t Feel
The Money’s Flying
Don’t Bailout Banks
Bailout Us

Stop The Bonuses
For Executives
My Children All Crying
So Save The Wall Street…
Save The Wall Street…

Heal Wall Street
Don’t Help The Big Banks
For You And For Me
And The Entire Investors
There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For Their Living
Please Save The Wall Street
For You And For Me

And Now I See That Ten
Million Men Are Getting Dismissed
And Wall Street We
Once Believed In
Now Falling to Ruins
Then Why Do They Keep
On Speculating
Wound The Blue Chips
Crucify Its Money
And It’s Hard To See
This World Is Like Hell
I Can Die

I Couldn’t Fly So High
But Some Investors Jump Away
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Comrades
I Am Shocked
To See My Shares
The prices are down 90%
My Heart Now Ticks
See The Giants Turn
Their Money
Fly Away

I Couldn’t Jump Away
Unless You Can Help Me Now
Save My Money
Please Mr.Geithner
Please Mr.Geithner…

Heal Wall Street
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Investors
Too Many Investors Crying
If You Care Enough
For Their Living
Please Rescue Wall Street
For You And For Me

Heal Wall Street
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Investors
There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For Their Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal Wall Street
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Investors
There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For Their Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For Their Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are Investors Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me

You And For Me
Make A Better Place
You And For Me
Make A Better Place
You And For Me
Make A Better Place
You And For Me
heal Wall Street we invest in
You And For Me
save it for our money
You And For Me
heal Wall Street we invest in
You And For Me
save it for our money
You And For Me
heal Wall Street we invest in
You And For Me
save it for our money
You And For Me
heal Wall Street we invest in
You And For Me
save it for our money
Oh, Please, Mr.Geithner….