It’s the first time in this blog I want to discuss about romantic relationships. A temporary break from serious discussions firsthand.
Awkward posting? Potentially yes. I’ve never truly fallen in love with someone else.
Wait, what? Fallen in love? Love at the first sight? Is that even a correct definition?
Truth be told, back as a child, I used to believe – thanks to all these lovey-dovey dramas – that there was always this possibility of ‘love at first sight’. An attractive, shy-pretense (or just snobbishly cool) guy got into some minor war of mouth with a fair-skinned, big-eyed, and long-haired girl (okay, this makes me somewhat like Nabokov), before in what we can call as economists’ ‘theory of luck’, unexpectedly meet in an unexpected event at an unexpected place, and the first signs of affection became slowly inevitable among the two, and they fall in love ever since. Ceteris paribus.
Probably the boy (or the girl) has to move somewhere else to work, or to pursue further studies. Or that something’s wrong with economic conditions that the boy can hardly get the girl to go for a date. Or that the girl or the boy can barely stand up with the other’s family members due to conflicting life principles, habits, and social values. Or even something catastrophic happens, say, in many dramas, either one of them contacts a deadly disease, a war happens, or simply, a sudden, unexplained, Murakami-esque breakup. Well, too many maybes.
After all, love, just like acing As in exams, is itself a hard work and an uneasy commitment. In my point of view, if you love someone, that means you really do love that person. A person is completely different from an item; an item can depreciate in terms of values, but not with the loving partner! It takes commitment, perseverance, faith, and sometimes, sighing all the while, some conflicts. As human beings, we all are entitled to different values and ideas, and stemming from these differences, oftentimes we can barely avoid conflicts. Nonetheless, for all the unpopularity, it is from those conflicts that we can obtain better understanding of each other, and we have to admit that no couples are perfect.
Too often we are drawn into Facebook posts, or Instagram pictures, of lovely couples posing with numerous cute-looking postures, or sometimes with these quotes, say: “My baby is so handsome, don’t you see? (wink-wink)”, or “You are always in my heart forever ❤ <3”, or just anything in the social media that you can figure out. From the perspective of a single person like me, yes, to be honest, that makes some of us jealous, or even envious of how they can have such ‘loving’ relationships.
In such a world of randomness, some of these people indeed have enduring relationships. Others, not so much, or they simply call it quits at some time. Believe me, we have seen so many of such pictures and make-believe love statements of one and the other, and almost similarly many do we ever hear stories of their breakups, their private fights, or that either one of them cheats the other. A-ha! Lesson learned: a relationship belongs to only two persons, not to 500 Instagram followers or 1,000 Facebook friends. But, again, even switching our relationship mode to private doesn’t guarantee a relationship will last longer: we do still hear stories of how people simply end their relationships.
What are the secrets to everlasting love, then? As someone who has yet to have a relationship partner, I don’t have much to offer. But I can learn some things from my parents: they dated for 7 years, only once, and got married afterwards. What do I learn from their relationship? Well, honestly speaking, way a lot. Patience, compromise (even though it’s uneasy), agree-to-disagree motion, understanding of each other, open acceptance, long-term outlook on anything, and most difficult one, willingness to sacrifice. That’s what my parents (and myself) have always advised me. If you indeed love someone, it is, indeed, inevitable that some sacrifices have to be made, say, investing extra time for your partner, or some portions of your money to ensure that both of you remain happy.
And, again and again, I’m sort of unready to implement my own advice pieces. Indeed, it will take me quite some time to learn loving someone as time goes by.
This is my ’embarrassing’ confession: I told my parents that I already fell in love with someone, and I did that repeatedly. As kids mostly had no ideas about ‘serious love’, I simply called ‘being attracted to someone’ as ‘being in love at first sight’. I couldn’t remember how many girls I had “fallen in love” with, but probably the figure was 3, 4, or, well, just forget about it.
I had my first crush, nonetheless, in my high school. Indeed, it happened two times. Each of them lasted not beyond one semester, as, you know, the lesson that ‘I have yet to learn so much from it’. I tried to declare my love on one of them, and I was rejected.
In university life, things were completely different. As we are no longer pure teenagers (heading towards adulthood, yes), definitions about love – and romance – also need to change, subsequently. Not outdone with my prior failures, I again tried my luck (well, that’s ironic) on three other friends of mine, but again, each of these efforts lasted not more than one semester. One of these efforts even almost jeopardized our friendship.
I learned my lessons in the long run: I hardly matured up myself while attracted to someone, and I spied on them. It took some time off to reflect on my mistakes, and, well, these were my hard-earned lessons in at least trying to show that if I like someone, I also have to respect her. Now that I have my sixth crush, which to be honestly speaking has lasted over a year, I am still learning from past mistakes (I won’t describe in details about the sixth person I have been pursuing in the last year). I am still hardly ready to be engaged in a relationship, because I know one main requirement I want to emphasize on myself: once you love someone, you should really show that you love her, no matter what. For me, this will really take some more time.
Well, much ado about love.